Treat the other person the way you would want them to treat you. Be open and honest in your responses, but assert your opinion courteously and respectfully. There is nothing to be gained by attacking them or putting them down. Active listening is designed to encourage, respect, and understand the other person. Just be a sounding board that enables him or her to perhaps come up with a solution on their own. Unless you are specifically asked for advice, don’t give it. Your role is not to evaluate what the other person is saying so you can offer your own ideas and opinions. Unlike critical listening, active listening has no agenda. Train yourself not to formulate an opinion or a response until the whole story has been heard. Listen to what is being said with an open, neutral mind. What we hear can be distorted by our assumptions and beliefs, so to make sure you are understanding what is being said correctly, ask clarifying open-ended questions, as opposed to yes or no questions which may shut down the conversation. Show interest by periodically paraphrasing what you hear and reflecting it back to them (e.g., “In other words, what you’re saying is…”). Reflect on what the person speaking is saying. Feeling understood instead of being judged reduces stress and the need to be defensive, and increases clarity. Being empathetic validates the other person’s feelings, and shows him or her that you acknowledge and respect what they are saying. Listen with your heart – not just your ears. Choose to be quiet and allow the other person to finish what they have to say.Įmpathize. Patience also means not jumping in to fill periods of silence. Active listening requires patience – not just listening with half an ear and presuming you already know what the other person is going to say. This will reinforce what you’re hearing, and help you stay focused.īe patient. If you’re finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what the other person is saying, try to mentally repeat their words as they say them. Refrain from fidgeting, looking at your watch, abruptly changing the subject, or doodling, which is not only rude, but is apt to convey a message to the speaker that you are bored, not listening, and/or are in a rush to end the conversation. Don’t let your mind drift, or allow yourself to get distracted by things going on around you such as side conversations, or be mentally preparing a response while the other person is still speaking. Shut down your internal dialogue while listening, and stay focused on what the other person is saying. Look at them while they are talking, lean forward, and show them that you are listening by acknowledging what they are saying with an occasional head nod, a smile, or an “uh-huh.” In addition to listening to what is being said verbally, watch for nonverbal cues such as their facial expressions, body stance, and tone of voice. Give the person speaking to you your undivided attention. The following are some active listening exercises to help you become a more effective listener. It requires patience, commitment, and practice. Mastering the art of active listening is not a skill that comes naturally to most of us. Active listening enables you to understand your partner’s point of view and keeps you from jumping in with a “quick fix” when all he or she wanted was just to be heard.Listening well can help you avoid conflict and misunderstandings.This can be particularly reassuring if they are feeling distressed. Being an active listener in a relationship shows your partner that you recognize the conversation is about him or her, not you.Benefits of active listening in a relationship It’s one of the greatest gifts you can bring to a relationship, because it demonstrates attentiveness, caring, and respect, and makes the other person feel heard and valued. Active listening means putting your own agenda aside, and making a conscious effort to give the speaker your undivided attention without allowing yourself to become distracted by what’s going on around you, letting your mind wander, or thinking about what you’re going to say while they’re still speaking. The way to improve your listening skills is to practice “active listening,” which involves more than just “hearing” what the other person is saying. Like us if you are enjoying this content. (253) 777-1997 Please give us a call, we are here to help.Careers Join our team of Christian Counselors.Counselors Find out more about our counselors.Locations We have offices at various locations.Group Counseling Benefit from the support of others.Family Counseling Establish the peaceful home you desire.Christian Couples Counseling Work through challenges together.Individual Services Address your personal concerns confidentially.Services Read about the expertise available.
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